Well, it's been a long time, and those who know me won't be surprised. A lot has happened since my last post, so consider this an update and picking up where I left off.
In my last post I mentioned that my back had flared up and that I thought it was from being sick and sleeping a lot. Turns out, my trainer, who I thought was doing me so much good, set my back recovery back a good 3 months. Did you know that if you do power moves in the gym it puts pressure on the cerebrospinal fluid in your back? And that pressure causes inflammation, and inflammation causes pain? I didn't either, and paid the price. From now on, my gym workouts will consist of me, cardio equipment, and anything that my surgeon tells me specifically is okay. I haven't been back to the scene of the crime to complain, because really it was my own ignorance that got me in trouble. While he should have, as a trained professional known better, I should have been strong enough to say "no, that hurts", and I didn't, so...lesson learned.
After the bronchitis, my entire family got hit with the norovirus plague that hit our city with a vengeance. I got the worst of it, and ended up in the hospital getting IV fluids and Zofran. I'm so blessed that I have a job where I can work from home, because if that wasn't the case, this illness would have put an end to my career. My older son, A, also had a pretty tough time, as it turns out his tummy isn't built quite right, and he ended up on acid reducers for 2 months, along with a couple of trips to a pediatric gastroenterologist. You know it's a bad bug when Lysol, alcohol and straight bleach don't manage to kill it. When I get to heaven, God and I are going to have to have a long conversation about the reason for norovirus. Along with ticks, maggots, the Holocaust, and a long list of other things that I don't understand.
Speaking of work, I also was (finally) hired as a full-time employee at my company. I'd been a contractor for 18 months, and was deeply entrenched in my program. I was really hoping not to have to leave (required after 24 months), and my boss is wonderful and amazing and tireless, and finally brought me on board. So, I'm an employee again!!! With Benefits!!! And time off!!!!! I love my job, I love my company, and I'm so, so grateful to God that the praying and more praying finally resulted in this. One of the perks is an on-site gym, so I'll be able to get back to it starting tomorrow.
Which leads me to the plan forward. When I left off in March, my weight was right at 273 and some ounces. During the stomach apocalypse, I'd gotten down to about 260, but I knew that wasn't real weight loss, as I was pretty sure my tonsils, appendix, a few hangnails, and it felt like the vast majority of my brain cells were lost in addition to any weight. Right now, I'm at 272, so I'm glad that my complete lack of effort on the weight loss front hasn't sent me back to the 280's. I, of course, was hoping to be farther along, but I'll take not have to re-lose what I already did.
So, starting tomorrow, there will be food journaling, and exercising, and hopefully a more steady blog presence.
Thanks for reading and here we go again!!
MR
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Post-Plague Ponderings
It's been two long weeks of a cold and bronchitis and a back flare up that for a while had me scared I was headed back to the St. Francis surgery wing. I got back to the gym Thursday and Friday of this week (Side Note: a random guy that works out the same time I do noticed I was back and said "In the few weeks I've known you, you're looking better and doing great. Keep it up." Really, really made my day!), and worked out with a DVD tonight, but the diet has been absolute crap since I got sick, and I haven't been keeping up with my water. I'm really mad at myself, but trying to be gentle and forgiving and to fix what's wrong.
So, to that end, here's my analysis of the plague of 2014, and my goals and plans for the next time some opportunistic little bugger decides to pick a fight with my immune system.
Water - I haven't been drinking as much as I should, mainly because I've been sleeping, and coughing most of the time. This week, I'm going to go back to basics and start putting rubber bands back on my water bottle. For those of you unfamiliar with this method, I'll explain. For each glass of water you want to drink in a day, you put one rubber band around the container that you drink out of. As you finish each container-full, you remove a rubber band. At the end of the day, your container should be rubber-band free, and your body completely hydrated. My standard container holds 16 oz, so I'll be putting 6 rubber bands on it, to set a goal of 96 oz. per day. That's more than what most people recommend, but because I'm so heavy, my fluid needs are greater than someone of average size.
Exercise - This was the first thing to go when I got sick, but only because I couldn't breathe. Both my trainer and my doctor agreed that I needed to rest and heal before picking up my plan again. Having said that, I probably should have made more of an effort to keep moving around, even if it was at a slower pace, and not really burning anything. Laying still for 10 days did a horrible thing to my back, and it's been very slow and painful to get it back to anything remotely close to normal. My trainers are wonderful, and they've given me some stretches to do before I get up, and when I do them, it does help. I've also been back to the chiropractor and he's working on me too. He recommended that I try inversion therapy (hanging upside down by my ankles - or doing headstands -yeah, right), so I ordered a table and we'll see how that goes. I have a feeling that's going to be a blog post all by itself, because it's either going to be a completely hysterical bust, or the best thing I've ever done for my long-abused lower back. This week I'm also going to be going back to my normal workout schedule, and shooting for 4 hours of cardio in addition to my training sessions at the gym.
Diet - I gave in to the ease and convenience of fast food while I was ill. I know better, and this is the thing that I'm having the hardest time forgiving myself for. I don't yet have a strategy for how to do this better next time, because when I'm sick, I don't really feel like going to the grocery store or preparing healthy, delicious meals for me and my family. It could just be a case of sucking it up and doing it anyway, but more research is needed on solutions for taking care of the nutritional needs of a family while feeling like complete poop. This week, we're back on track though. I've got my journal app all fired up, chicken marinating in the fridge, and more in the crock pot, and a grocery list made out for Wednesday when I get paid again.
Medicine - I've not mentioned this before, but I have chronic anxiety disorder with depression, and I take an SSRI to help me deal with life. I have to say, I love this medicine, and the way it gave me my life back and allows me to be present in my family's life. I don't take a ridiculously high dosage, and I'm at the point in my recovery that I recognize my body just needs a little help with its serotonin. At my last weight check with my doctor, he told me that with the increased exercise I was doing, he felt like we could lower my dosage of medicine, since exercise increases serotonin production. We cut the dosage in half, but immediately after that, I got sick, so I couldn't work out. I put myself back on the higher dosage until I correct my workout gaps, because even for the short time I was on the lower dose, I felt it, and that's not at all where I need to be. My goal here is to workout enough that the lower dose works great, however, this is one I'm willing to take super slowly because Crazy Red isn't good for anyone!
Thanks for reading!
MR
Month 2 measurements
273.4 pounds - (-6 pounds)
Neck - 15.5 inches - (-1.25 inches)*
Upper Arm - 14.75 inches (-.25 inches)
Chest - 49.5 inches (-1.25 inches)
Waist - 48 inches (-2.5 inches)
Hips - 56.5 inches (-.75 inches)
Thigh - 27.5 inches (No change)
Calf - 19 inches (-.75 inches)*
Overall change - 6 pounds, 6.75 inches lost
* Might not be right, as the first month I measured myself, and couldn't see what I was doing.
So, to that end, here's my analysis of the plague of 2014, and my goals and plans for the next time some opportunistic little bugger decides to pick a fight with my immune system.
Water - I haven't been drinking as much as I should, mainly because I've been sleeping, and coughing most of the time. This week, I'm going to go back to basics and start putting rubber bands back on my water bottle. For those of you unfamiliar with this method, I'll explain. For each glass of water you want to drink in a day, you put one rubber band around the container that you drink out of. As you finish each container-full, you remove a rubber band. At the end of the day, your container should be rubber-band free, and your body completely hydrated. My standard container holds 16 oz, so I'll be putting 6 rubber bands on it, to set a goal of 96 oz. per day. That's more than what most people recommend, but because I'm so heavy, my fluid needs are greater than someone of average size.
Exercise - This was the first thing to go when I got sick, but only because I couldn't breathe. Both my trainer and my doctor agreed that I needed to rest and heal before picking up my plan again. Having said that, I probably should have made more of an effort to keep moving around, even if it was at a slower pace, and not really burning anything. Laying still for 10 days did a horrible thing to my back, and it's been very slow and painful to get it back to anything remotely close to normal. My trainers are wonderful, and they've given me some stretches to do before I get up, and when I do them, it does help. I've also been back to the chiropractor and he's working on me too. He recommended that I try inversion therapy (hanging upside down by my ankles - or doing headstands -yeah, right), so I ordered a table and we'll see how that goes. I have a feeling that's going to be a blog post all by itself, because it's either going to be a completely hysterical bust, or the best thing I've ever done for my long-abused lower back. This week I'm also going to be going back to my normal workout schedule, and shooting for 4 hours of cardio in addition to my training sessions at the gym.
Diet - I gave in to the ease and convenience of fast food while I was ill. I know better, and this is the thing that I'm having the hardest time forgiving myself for. I don't yet have a strategy for how to do this better next time, because when I'm sick, I don't really feel like going to the grocery store or preparing healthy, delicious meals for me and my family. It could just be a case of sucking it up and doing it anyway, but more research is needed on solutions for taking care of the nutritional needs of a family while feeling like complete poop. This week, we're back on track though. I've got my journal app all fired up, chicken marinating in the fridge, and more in the crock pot, and a grocery list made out for Wednesday when I get paid again.
Medicine - I've not mentioned this before, but I have chronic anxiety disorder with depression, and I take an SSRI to help me deal with life. I have to say, I love this medicine, and the way it gave me my life back and allows me to be present in my family's life. I don't take a ridiculously high dosage, and I'm at the point in my recovery that I recognize my body just needs a little help with its serotonin. At my last weight check with my doctor, he told me that with the increased exercise I was doing, he felt like we could lower my dosage of medicine, since exercise increases serotonin production. We cut the dosage in half, but immediately after that, I got sick, so I couldn't work out. I put myself back on the higher dosage until I correct my workout gaps, because even for the short time I was on the lower dose, I felt it, and that's not at all where I need to be. My goal here is to workout enough that the lower dose works great, however, this is one I'm willing to take super slowly because Crazy Red isn't good for anyone!
Thanks for reading!
MR
Month 2 measurements
273.4 pounds - (-6 pounds)
Neck - 15.5 inches - (-1.25 inches)*
Upper Arm - 14.75 inches (-.25 inches)
Chest - 49.5 inches (-1.25 inches)
Waist - 48 inches (-2.5 inches)
Hips - 56.5 inches (-.75 inches)
Thigh - 27.5 inches (No change)
Calf - 19 inches (-.75 inches)*
Overall change - 6 pounds, 6.75 inches lost
* Might not be right, as the first month I measured myself, and couldn't see what I was doing.
Monday, February 17, 2014
A Living Sacrifice
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a
living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1
This verse appeared in my Facebook news feed while I was entrenched in the battle of the scale several weeks ago. I have a lot of wonderful Facebook friends, many of whom are strong Christian ladies, and their encouragement from Scripture always seems to find me at just the right time. This particular verse really made me think and get my focus back on what's really important during this whole weight loss adventure I'm on.
In the Old Testament of the Bible, the animals that were sacrificed had to meet certain specifications. They had to be as close to perfect as possible in order to be considered worthy enough for the sacrifice to our Lord. Knowing that got me thinking. If I am to present myself as a living sacrifice, shouldn't I be working towards being the best I can be, and without blemish or stain so that I can be called worthy to be in the presence of God?
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I know that I will NEVER be worthy enough, and I know that I can't earn my way into the Lord's presence. He chose to save me while I was still a sinner, unclean, and living about as far from Him as a human being can get. The redeeming blood of Jesus Christ is the only thing that I can count on for my eternal salvation, and I did nothing and can never do anything even now to "deserve" that. But, having said that, shouldn't I be striving to be as worthy as I humanly can? If Jesus lives in my heart, as I believe he does, shouldn't the body that holds the heart be as healthy and as "good" as possible? By changing my focus from the selfish desires of the flesh (being able to climb stairs, wearing clothes not made by a tent-maker, making my kids proud), no matter how nice they might be, to the Lord I have given my life to, all of the effort becomes if not easy, at least, meaningful.
This whole concept was lived out for me the last time I was in the middle of a difficult workout. I was on an elliptical machine, and working very hard, sweaty, tired, sore legs, you name it, and I thought about calling it a day. I did 20 minutes, what does it matter if I didn't complete the workout. Who would know? Well, aside from myself, and the guilt I would carry from not achieving what I set out to, God would know. And in the middle of that thought, the lyrics from one of my favorite songs popped into my head:
I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength. I don't have to be strong enough...
He's strong enough, for the both of us. Matthew West
As soon as I realized again that God had all the strength I needed, I just kept on going. I swear it was Him who finished that workout, and not my tired body, but either way, it got done! I want to honor Him, and he will give me everything I need in order to do that. It's pretty amazing in that way!
I've always said that I have a long way to go on this road of weight loss and getting healthy, and now it turns out it may be longer than I thought. Until I take my last breath, I will be striving to make myself a sacrifice to the Lord. The good news is, He is with me while I do it, and I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!
MR
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Chocolate Cake is NOT the Enemy (aka The Scale Moved)
I feel it necessary to post again so soon after my last just to say, Praise be to God, the scale is stuck no more! I'm down a total of 12.2 pounds since the beginning of all of this, and am feeling great! Still have the sore back and am walking like a duck, but it's easier to do that on THIS side of the scale than the other.
I must confess that after I finished my workout last night, Sonic was calling my name, and I did purchase and eat the Sonic Molten Chocolate Banana Split Sundae Cake. Now, before all of my supporters roll their eyes and leave this blog forever, please hear me out. Before I ate said cake, I calculated the Weight Watchers Points for it (gone back to the WW method, it's easier to count to 42 than 2000) so I knew exactly how much damage I'd be doing. I had the points available without overdrawing my budget, so I went ahead. Also, as I was eating it, I asked myself after every bite, "Do I want more of this?" The answer was always yes, but I was extremely happy to be eating in the moment, and in control of what I put into my mouth. I enjoyed every bite of that chocolate disaster, and I must say, it was worth every STINKING one of the TWENTY points it took out of my allowance.
Admittedly, even though I didn't want there to be, there was a little bit of guilt about it, and I was a bit afraid of the scale this morning. However, L has gotten used to seeing me haul my chubby behind out of bed and straight onto the metal and glass torture device. It would have rocked his tiny little Type A world if I had changed this part of the morning routine, and I didn't want to leave my husband to deal with a fried toddler brain while I went skipping (more like staggering..it was 6:30AM) off to the gym. And what do you know? 273.8 - A new low!!! Woohoo!!!!
So, what have I learned from this? I've learned that the scale is not the most important thing. I've learned that chocolate cake (IN MODERATION) will not completely destroy my results, and eating it mindfully will actually kill a craving in record time. I've learned that going to the gym actually makes me feel better, and my body doesn't hurt anywhere near as much after I workout than if I don't.
I'm sure this isn't the last time I will be frustrated that this isn't going as well or as fast as I'd like it to, and so I think that God is also using this to continue his work on my patience. My goal is complete surrender to what I know is God-honoring in this (treating my body like His temple) and not focusing on any of the earthly stuff. I'm not there yet, but I pray that I can get there without another object lesson in a stubborn scale.
MR
I must confess that after I finished my workout last night, Sonic was calling my name, and I did purchase and eat the Sonic Molten Chocolate Banana Split Sundae Cake. Now, before all of my supporters roll their eyes and leave this blog forever, please hear me out. Before I ate said cake, I calculated the Weight Watchers Points for it (gone back to the WW method, it's easier to count to 42 than 2000) so I knew exactly how much damage I'd be doing. I had the points available without overdrawing my budget, so I went ahead. Also, as I was eating it, I asked myself after every bite, "Do I want more of this?" The answer was always yes, but I was extremely happy to be eating in the moment, and in control of what I put into my mouth. I enjoyed every bite of that chocolate disaster, and I must say, it was worth every STINKING one of the TWENTY points it took out of my allowance.
Admittedly, even though I didn't want there to be, there was a little bit of guilt about it, and I was a bit afraid of the scale this morning. However, L has gotten used to seeing me haul my chubby behind out of bed and straight onto the metal and glass torture device. It would have rocked his tiny little Type A world if I had changed this part of the morning routine, and I didn't want to leave my husband to deal with a fried toddler brain while I went skipping (more like staggering..it was 6:30AM) off to the gym. And what do you know? 273.8 - A new low!!! Woohoo!!!!
So, what have I learned from this? I've learned that the scale is not the most important thing. I've learned that chocolate cake (IN MODERATION) will not completely destroy my results, and eating it mindfully will actually kill a craving in record time. I've learned that going to the gym actually makes me feel better, and my body doesn't hurt anywhere near as much after I workout than if I don't.
I'm sure this isn't the last time I will be frustrated that this isn't going as well or as fast as I'd like it to, and so I think that God is also using this to continue his work on my patience. My goal is complete surrender to what I know is God-honoring in this (treating my body like His temple) and not focusing on any of the earthly stuff. I'm not there yet, but I pray that I can get there without another object lesson in a stubborn scale.
MR
Sunday, February 2, 2014
I hate my &%(@#$&( Scale - otherwise known as the mid-month 1 update
I'm in a very bad mood tonight.
I should qualify this by stating that I'm sick with some kind of energy-draining cold thing, and my body is still really sore during this adjustment period of exercise.
However...even given those qualifications, I'm still in a very bad mood. The scale has shown me up FIVE pounds since I started working out. The consensus from my doctor, trainers, and Google seems to be that there is a lot of inflammation in my body as I'm tearing and rebuilding muscle mass, and water is surrounding the muscles as they heal. Water weighs a lot, so it shows up on the scale. The logical part of my brain understands this hypothesis, but, the fat girl looking for results is pretty ticked off.
In addition to the weight "gain", I've also been experiencing back pain for the past few days, caused by, I'm sure, the increased activity. For those who've never experienced a complete herniation of a disk in the lumbar spine, I won't be able to explain the pain of that in a way that will accurately describe that feeling, but, I'll try. When I herniated my disk, I was unable to do anything but lie flat on my back in bed. I was taking morphine and Valium every 4 hours, just to keep the pain tolerable. It took me 4 or 5 attempts to go to the bathroom, because the pain was so bad I couldn't sit. I'm so grateful that I had surgery to remove the disk material, and I get a little freaked when my back or leg starts to ache, because I can't imagine going through all of that again. So far, working out and stretching has helped it, but it does tighten up as I slow down at the end of the day. I'm hoping that this painfulness is also temporary as my body gets used to the increased activity.
I'm so frustrated. I made the decision to have surgery to improve my health, only to find out that the surgery would be very detrimental to my health due to my allergies. So, I regrouped and made the decision to do this the old fashioned way - controlled diet and exercise and I GAIN weight. My husband, who I know would have taken great care of me after surgery is starting to show signs of being tired of my leaving the house to work out or checking out from the kids so I can plan menus, and doesn't seem to understand the back pain caused by exercise. I feel like because I'm doing this the "normal" way, I'm somehow not able to get what I need in the way of support. It's been a really difficult week.
But, what can I do but just keep going? If I stop now, I'll still be unhealthy and fat, and probably continue to gain weight and put myself at risk of terrifying complications. My kids will be teased for their "fat mom", and I won't be able to play with them or interact in the way I want to. I don't want to stop, but going forward at this point just seems so hopeless.
There is some good news from today. I did get to play outside with my boys after weeks of freezing cold weather. We played walking tag (since running at my size is really dangerous for my knees), and hide and seek and there were lots of giggles and happy little boy faces. That was a lot of fun! Also, I did go back to the gym today (took yesterday off due to the plague), and did a couple of things I hadn't done in a while. Took a four and a half mile stationary bike ride and swam some laps. I forgot how much I like to swim as a form of exercise. It's great...I don't notice the sweat, and because of that, I can work longer in the water than on land. I have no idea how many calories I burn doing it, but, I'm sure it's better than sitting at home watching football.
I guess that'll be my takeaway for now. Even if I don't lose another ounce. Even if the pain continues to be uncomfortable. Quitting isn't the answer, but I think I need to change my expectations. Maybe I can't look ahead to what the outcome of all this work may be. Maybe the point is just that I do what I know to be right. Success would certainly be easier to come by if it was just a matter of tracking what I eat and exercising, I just don't know if I can wrap my head around not expecting anything to come of it. However, all expecting results is doing for me now is disappointing me. I think the answer is changing my focus and leaving the result up to God.
MR
Side Note-Month 1 measurements
279.4 pounds
Neck - 16.75 inches
Upper Arm - 15 inches
Chest - 50.75 inches
Waist - 50.5 inches
Hips - 57.25 inches
Thigh - 27.5 inches
Calf - 19.75 inches
I should qualify this by stating that I'm sick with some kind of energy-draining cold thing, and my body is still really sore during this adjustment period of exercise.
However...even given those qualifications, I'm still in a very bad mood. The scale has shown me up FIVE pounds since I started working out. The consensus from my doctor, trainers, and Google seems to be that there is a lot of inflammation in my body as I'm tearing and rebuilding muscle mass, and water is surrounding the muscles as they heal. Water weighs a lot, so it shows up on the scale. The logical part of my brain understands this hypothesis, but, the fat girl looking for results is pretty ticked off.
In addition to the weight "gain", I've also been experiencing back pain for the past few days, caused by, I'm sure, the increased activity. For those who've never experienced a complete herniation of a disk in the lumbar spine, I won't be able to explain the pain of that in a way that will accurately describe that feeling, but, I'll try. When I herniated my disk, I was unable to do anything but lie flat on my back in bed. I was taking morphine and Valium every 4 hours, just to keep the pain tolerable. It took me 4 or 5 attempts to go to the bathroom, because the pain was so bad I couldn't sit. I'm so grateful that I had surgery to remove the disk material, and I get a little freaked when my back or leg starts to ache, because I can't imagine going through all of that again. So far, working out and stretching has helped it, but it does tighten up as I slow down at the end of the day. I'm hoping that this painfulness is also temporary as my body gets used to the increased activity.
I'm so frustrated. I made the decision to have surgery to improve my health, only to find out that the surgery would be very detrimental to my health due to my allergies. So, I regrouped and made the decision to do this the old fashioned way - controlled diet and exercise and I GAIN weight. My husband, who I know would have taken great care of me after surgery is starting to show signs of being tired of my leaving the house to work out or checking out from the kids so I can plan menus, and doesn't seem to understand the back pain caused by exercise. I feel like because I'm doing this the "normal" way, I'm somehow not able to get what I need in the way of support. It's been a really difficult week.
But, what can I do but just keep going? If I stop now, I'll still be unhealthy and fat, and probably continue to gain weight and put myself at risk of terrifying complications. My kids will be teased for their "fat mom", and I won't be able to play with them or interact in the way I want to. I don't want to stop, but going forward at this point just seems so hopeless.
There is some good news from today. I did get to play outside with my boys after weeks of freezing cold weather. We played walking tag (since running at my size is really dangerous for my knees), and hide and seek and there were lots of giggles and happy little boy faces. That was a lot of fun! Also, I did go back to the gym today (took yesterday off due to the plague), and did a couple of things I hadn't done in a while. Took a four and a half mile stationary bike ride and swam some laps. I forgot how much I like to swim as a form of exercise. It's great...I don't notice the sweat, and because of that, I can work longer in the water than on land. I have no idea how many calories I burn doing it, but, I'm sure it's better than sitting at home watching football.
I guess that'll be my takeaway for now. Even if I don't lose another ounce. Even if the pain continues to be uncomfortable. Quitting isn't the answer, but I think I need to change my expectations. Maybe I can't look ahead to what the outcome of all this work may be. Maybe the point is just that I do what I know to be right. Success would certainly be easier to come by if it was just a matter of tracking what I eat and exercising, I just don't know if I can wrap my head around not expecting anything to come of it. However, all expecting results is doing for me now is disappointing me. I think the answer is changing my focus and leaving the result up to God.
MR
Side Note-Month 1 measurements
279.4 pounds
Neck - 16.75 inches
Upper Arm - 15 inches
Chest - 50.75 inches
Waist - 50.5 inches
Hips - 57.25 inches
Thigh - 27.5 inches
Calf - 19.75 inches
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Knuckle-Dragging Neanderthals and other Recently Encountered Species
As alluded to in my previous post, I have joined a gym. The YMCA, to be exact. As I type this, my fingers are the only parts of my body that are not screaming with indignation with what I have put my body through this past week. To date, I have met with my personal trainer twice and hit a yoga class. That might not sound like much, but, given that up until now, I've been a Class 1 Couch Potato, this is a significant increase in the amount of activity I've performed.
The name of this post comes from my aforementioned trainer, as this is how he described himself to me over the phone the first time we spoke to set up our introductory appointment. To say I was apprehensive to meet him would be a tremendous understatement.But, he turned out to be a perfectly normal guy who lives inside a very fit body. To date, I have not perceived any knuckle dragging, club wielding, grunting, or an overabundance of dark matted hair. The first session was an assessment to see my level of fitness, and I don't blame him for that. All he knew of me was that I had 120 pounds to lose and had back surgery less than a year ago. After the assessment, he seemed pretty pleased, and actually told me that I move better than some people half my age that he's trained!!!! Apparently, my body's muscle memory is really good, and all those years I put in at the dance studio have paid off. My flexibility stinks, but balance and kinesthetic awareness are intact. That's good news in one sense, as I haven't squandered all of the good health God's blessed me with. However, it does mean that he feels perfectly fine with pushing me to my limits, knowing that I'm not going to fall apart if he does. I plan to continue to work with him for the foreseeable future, and have great confidence that he'll get me fit, even if it's against my will!
I'm also grateful to the gym for introducing me to another person who has been a virtual myth to me for a lot of years. This would be the Motivated Husband. Now, in fairness, my husband is an amazing provider and father. He picks up the slack for me more times than I can even do justice to here, and I don't know if any two kids are as loved by their daddies as mine are. If so, they are blessed children indeed. My only complaint with him is that he procrastinates when it comes to cleaning up and going through all of the stuff (read; junk) he brought into our relationship. Yesterday, I went to the gym and took my two boys with me. I love that the Y has activities for the little people while their parents are working out. A and L had a great time playing with new friends, running around and swimming in the pool (I went with them there), and I got to work on my flexibility knowing they were okay and busy. While we were gone, my husband did amazing things around the house, and it's almost entirely ready for it's once a month deep cleaning tomorrow. He also didn't complain that I fell asleep at 7:30 last night, tired and sore after training this week.
And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention my favorite new species that I've encountered, and that has been the True Friend. It's strange; before this blog, my experiences with these have been limited, but since I've opened this window into my life, people have been coming inside, and really loving on me in unexpected ways. From the long-time, long distance friend who took time on a weekend to call me and cheer me on for an hour (thanks, Karina!), to the acquaintance who I didn't think was really interested in being my friend sending me a heartfelt email of support and encouragement (thanks, Allison!), and all the way to the lovely new friend who came to join me in twisting myself into new and interesting shapes at the gym yesterday (thanks, Julia!), I have been so incredibly blessed by women (and one guy, thanks, Jerit!), who have come alongside me to keep me company as I walk this road. I've also received messages too numerous to call out here (thanks, all!!!) on Facebook; messages of love and fellowship, and I am just humbled and grateful. That all of you have taken your time and cared enough to reach out is so amazing to me. Thank you, and I love you!!
So, it seems, my journey continues, and I have the sore muscles to prove it. I'm not seeing much result on the scale this week, but I'm not too surprised or worried about that. I think my body is having a "What in the World is Happening?" moment, and so while it's confused, I can't blame it for holding on to everything it can for security. However, if the body doesn't get the picture in the next week or so, I may have to do the unthinkable and take a Spinning class just to clue it in!!
MR
The name of this post comes from my aforementioned trainer, as this is how he described himself to me over the phone the first time we spoke to set up our introductory appointment. To say I was apprehensive to meet him would be a tremendous understatement.But, he turned out to be a perfectly normal guy who lives inside a very fit body. To date, I have not perceived any knuckle dragging, club wielding, grunting, or an overabundance of dark matted hair. The first session was an assessment to see my level of fitness, and I don't blame him for that. All he knew of me was that I had 120 pounds to lose and had back surgery less than a year ago. After the assessment, he seemed pretty pleased, and actually told me that I move better than some people half my age that he's trained!!!! Apparently, my body's muscle memory is really good, and all those years I put in at the dance studio have paid off. My flexibility stinks, but balance and kinesthetic awareness are intact. That's good news in one sense, as I haven't squandered all of the good health God's blessed me with. However, it does mean that he feels perfectly fine with pushing me to my limits, knowing that I'm not going to fall apart if he does. I plan to continue to work with him for the foreseeable future, and have great confidence that he'll get me fit, even if it's against my will!
I'm also grateful to the gym for introducing me to another person who has been a virtual myth to me for a lot of years. This would be the Motivated Husband. Now, in fairness, my husband is an amazing provider and father. He picks up the slack for me more times than I can even do justice to here, and I don't know if any two kids are as loved by their daddies as mine are. If so, they are blessed children indeed. My only complaint with him is that he procrastinates when it comes to cleaning up and going through all of the stuff (read; junk) he brought into our relationship. Yesterday, I went to the gym and took my two boys with me. I love that the Y has activities for the little people while their parents are working out. A and L had a great time playing with new friends, running around and swimming in the pool (I went with them there), and I got to work on my flexibility knowing they were okay and busy. While we were gone, my husband did amazing things around the house, and it's almost entirely ready for it's once a month deep cleaning tomorrow. He also didn't complain that I fell asleep at 7:30 last night, tired and sore after training this week.
And, I would be remiss if I didn't mention my favorite new species that I've encountered, and that has been the True Friend. It's strange; before this blog, my experiences with these have been limited, but since I've opened this window into my life, people have been coming inside, and really loving on me in unexpected ways. From the long-time, long distance friend who took time on a weekend to call me and cheer me on for an hour (thanks, Karina!), to the acquaintance who I didn't think was really interested in being my friend sending me a heartfelt email of support and encouragement (thanks, Allison!), and all the way to the lovely new friend who came to join me in twisting myself into new and interesting shapes at the gym yesterday (thanks, Julia!), I have been so incredibly blessed by women (and one guy, thanks, Jerit!), who have come alongside me to keep me company as I walk this road. I've also received messages too numerous to call out here (thanks, all!!!) on Facebook; messages of love and fellowship, and I am just humbled and grateful. That all of you have taken your time and cared enough to reach out is so amazing to me. Thank you, and I love you!!
So, it seems, my journey continues, and I have the sore muscles to prove it. I'm not seeing much result on the scale this week, but I'm not too surprised or worried about that. I think my body is having a "What in the World is Happening?" moment, and so while it's confused, I can't blame it for holding on to everything it can for security. However, if the body doesn't get the picture in the next week or so, I may have to do the unthinkable and take a Spinning class just to clue it in!!
MR
Thursday, January 23, 2014
On Second Thought...
Several things have happened lately that have me reconsidering how I want to go about this weight loss thing.
The trouble I had with the whey isolate really scared me. While I found the Raw Vegan powder that I liked, after experimenting with it, I've learned that in order to make it drinkable, it really does need between 10-12 ounces of soy milk for every 19 grams of protein. If I have surgery, I'll be able to drink about 4 ounces at one meal, which means that for the two weeks prior to surgery and the two weeks after, I will be incredibly protein deficient. That scares me. A LOT. Without protein, the body breaks down muscle, and given that the heart, lungs, and intestines are nothing but, there's a real risk of damage to them if I can't get enough protein in.
The second thing that's happened is that I've lost eleven pounds from the first weigh in after I made the decision for surgery. That loss has come by cutting out soda, and restricting my carbs and total calories. I track what I eat, and I'm very careful about my awareness as I put things into my mouth. There's a part of me that thinks that 11 pounds in two months is a good result and if I can keep doing that, why let doctors remove part of my stomach?
I had my second required doctor's appointment with my family doctor on Monday, and we talked a lot about the surgery and whether or not a change of mind is in order. He tells me that 90% of the time, the surgery is unnecessary. He came very close to telling me it's unnecessary for me at this point. I have no other medical conditions (in weight loss surgery lingo they're called co-morbidities) which make rapid weight loss advisable, and the surgery carries some pretty big complications.
So, with the advice and encouragement of my doctor, this is the plan forward. I will continue meeting with him once a month, with a goal of losing a minimum of 5 pounds each month. He wrote me a prescription for a gym membership and personal training, which I started yesterday. (More on that in my next post) Because it's physician ordered, flexible spending dollars will cover the cost, and if I'm not having the surgery, I'm going to need to get that money back somehow! At my doctor's estimation, it should take me 24 months to lose 120 pounds, and that's the only down-side. It's slow. But, it took me 37 years to put this weight on my body, two doesn't seem like a bad exchange to get it off, as long as it keeps coming. I will still meet with my therapist to make sure I'm addressing the issues which in the past have made me binge, and I will still track everything I eat with a focus on proteins and good carbs.
If this doesn't work, then I still will have done everything to be compliant with my surgeon's office to qualify for the surgery, and it's always an option. I hope that folks don't think I'm chickening out, but, I just think based on what I know that I'd be in for a rough time afterward. I appreciate continued prayers for my weight loss journey, I know God is in control, and I feel he's leading me down this path.
MR
The trouble I had with the whey isolate really scared me. While I found the Raw Vegan powder that I liked, after experimenting with it, I've learned that in order to make it drinkable, it really does need between 10-12 ounces of soy milk for every 19 grams of protein. If I have surgery, I'll be able to drink about 4 ounces at one meal, which means that for the two weeks prior to surgery and the two weeks after, I will be incredibly protein deficient. That scares me. A LOT. Without protein, the body breaks down muscle, and given that the heart, lungs, and intestines are nothing but, there's a real risk of damage to them if I can't get enough protein in.
The second thing that's happened is that I've lost eleven pounds from the first weigh in after I made the decision for surgery. That loss has come by cutting out soda, and restricting my carbs and total calories. I track what I eat, and I'm very careful about my awareness as I put things into my mouth. There's a part of me that thinks that 11 pounds in two months is a good result and if I can keep doing that, why let doctors remove part of my stomach?
I had my second required doctor's appointment with my family doctor on Monday, and we talked a lot about the surgery and whether or not a change of mind is in order. He tells me that 90% of the time, the surgery is unnecessary. He came very close to telling me it's unnecessary for me at this point. I have no other medical conditions (in weight loss surgery lingo they're called co-morbidities) which make rapid weight loss advisable, and the surgery carries some pretty big complications.
So, with the advice and encouragement of my doctor, this is the plan forward. I will continue meeting with him once a month, with a goal of losing a minimum of 5 pounds each month. He wrote me a prescription for a gym membership and personal training, which I started yesterday. (More on that in my next post) Because it's physician ordered, flexible spending dollars will cover the cost, and if I'm not having the surgery, I'm going to need to get that money back somehow! At my doctor's estimation, it should take me 24 months to lose 120 pounds, and that's the only down-side. It's slow. But, it took me 37 years to put this weight on my body, two doesn't seem like a bad exchange to get it off, as long as it keeps coming. I will still meet with my therapist to make sure I'm addressing the issues which in the past have made me binge, and I will still track everything I eat with a focus on proteins and good carbs.
If this doesn't work, then I still will have done everything to be compliant with my surgeon's office to qualify for the surgery, and it's always an option. I hope that folks don't think I'm chickening out, but, I just think based on what I know that I'd be in for a rough time afterward. I appreciate continued prayers for my weight loss journey, I know God is in control, and I feel he's leading me down this path.
MR
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