A Living Sacrifice

  I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a 

living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Romans 12:1

This verse appeared in my Facebook news feed while I was entrenched in the battle of the scale several weeks ago. I have a lot of wonderful Facebook friends, many of whom are strong Christian ladies, and their encouragement from Scripture always seems to find me at just the right time. This particular verse really made me think and get my focus back on what's really important during this whole weight loss adventure I'm on.

In the Old Testament of the Bible, the animals that were sacrificed had to meet certain specifications. They had to be as close to perfect as possible in order to be considered worthy enough for the sacrifice to our Lord. Knowing that got me thinking. If I am to present myself as a living sacrifice, shouldn't I be working towards being the best I can be, and without blemish or stain so that I can be called worthy to be in the presence of God?

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I know that I will NEVER be worthy enough, and I know that I can't earn my way into the Lord's presence. He chose to save me while I was still a sinner, unclean, and living about as far from Him as a human being can get. The redeeming blood of Jesus Christ is the only thing that I can count on for my eternal salvation, and I did nothing and can never do anything even now to "deserve" that. But, having said that, shouldn't I be striving to be as worthy as I humanly can? If Jesus lives in my heart, as I believe he does, shouldn't the body that holds the heart be as healthy and as "good" as possible? By changing my focus from the selfish desires of the flesh (being able to climb stairs, wearing clothes not made by a tent-maker, making my kids proud), no matter how nice they might be, to the Lord I have given my life to, all of the effort becomes if not easy, at least, meaningful. 

This whole concept was lived out for me the last time I was in the middle of a difficult workout. I was on an elliptical machine, and working very hard, sweaty, tired, sore legs, you name it, and I thought about calling it a day. I did 20 minutes, what does it matter if I didn't complete the workout. Who would know? Well, aside from myself, and the guilt I would carry from not achieving what I set out to, God would know. And in the middle of that thought, the lyrics from one of my favorite songs popped into my head:

I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength. I don't have to be strong enough...

He's strong enough, for the both of us. Matthew West

As soon as I realized again that God had all the strength I needed, I just kept on going. I swear it was Him who finished that workout, and not my tired body, but either way, it got done! I want to honor Him, and he will give me everything I need in order to do that. It's pretty amazing in that way!

I've always said that I have a long way to go on this road of weight loss and getting healthy, and now it turns out it may be longer than I thought. Until I take my last breath, I will be striving to make myself a sacrifice to the Lord. The good news is, He is with me while I do it, and I truly can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

MR

Chocolate Cake is NOT the Enemy (aka The Scale Moved)

I feel it necessary to post again so soon after my last just to say, Praise be to God, the scale is stuck no more! I'm down a total of 12.2 pounds since the beginning of all of this, and am feeling great! Still have the sore back and am walking like a duck, but it's easier to do that on THIS side of the scale than the other.

I must confess that after I finished my workout last night, Sonic was calling my name, and I did purchase and eat the Sonic Molten Chocolate Banana Split Sundae Cake. Now, before all of my supporters roll their eyes and leave this blog forever, please hear me out. Before I ate said cake, I calculated the Weight Watchers Points for it (gone back to the WW method, it's easier to count to 42 than 2000) so I knew exactly how much damage I'd be doing. I had the points available without overdrawing my budget, so I went ahead. Also, as I was eating it, I asked myself after every bite, "Do I want more of this?" The answer was always yes, but I was extremely happy to be eating in the moment, and in control of what I put into my mouth. I enjoyed every bite of that chocolate disaster, and I must say, it was worth every STINKING one of the TWENTY points it took out of my allowance.

Admittedly, even though I didn't want there to be, there was a little bit of guilt about it, and I was a bit afraid of the scale this morning. However, L has gotten used to seeing me haul my chubby behind out of bed and straight onto the metal and glass torture device. It would have rocked his tiny little Type A world if I had changed this part of the morning routine, and I didn't want to leave my husband to deal with a fried toddler brain while I went skipping (more like staggering..it was 6:30AM) off to the gym. And what do you know? 273.8 - A new low!!! Woohoo!!!!

So, what have I learned from this? I've learned that the scale is not the most important thing. I've learned that chocolate cake (IN MODERATION) will not completely destroy my results, and eating it mindfully will actually kill a craving in record time. I've learned that going to the gym actually makes me feel better, and my body doesn't hurt anywhere near as much after I workout than if I don't.

I'm sure this isn't the last time I will be frustrated that this isn't going as well or as fast as I'd like it to, and so I think that God is also using this to continue his work on my patience. My goal is complete surrender to what I know is God-honoring in this (treating my body like His temple) and not focusing on any of the earthly stuff. I'm not there yet, but I pray that I can get there without another object lesson in a stubborn scale.

MR

I hate my &%(@#$&( Scale - otherwise known as the mid-month 1 update

I'm in a very bad mood tonight.

I should qualify this by stating that I'm sick with some kind of energy-draining cold thing, and my body is still really sore during this adjustment period of exercise.

However...even given those qualifications, I'm still in a very bad mood. The scale has shown me up FIVE pounds since I started working out. The consensus from my doctor, trainers, and Google seems to be that there is a lot of inflammation in my body as I'm tearing and rebuilding muscle mass, and water is surrounding the muscles as they heal. Water weighs a lot, so it shows up on the scale. The logical part of my brain understands this hypothesis, but, the fat girl looking for results is pretty ticked off.

In addition to the weight "gain", I've also been experiencing back pain for the past few days, caused by, I'm sure, the increased activity. For those who've never experienced a complete herniation of a disk in the lumbar spine, I won't be able to explain the pain of that in a way that will accurately describe that feeling, but, I'll try. When I herniated my disk, I was unable to do anything but lie flat on my back in bed. I was taking morphine and Valium every 4 hours, just to keep the pain tolerable. It took me 4 or 5 attempts to go to the bathroom, because the pain was so bad I couldn't sit. I'm so grateful that I had surgery to remove the disk material, and I get a little freaked when my back or leg starts to ache, because I can't imagine going through all of that again. So far, working out and stretching has helped it, but it does tighten up as I slow down at the end of the day. I'm hoping that this painfulness is also temporary as my body gets used to the increased activity.

I'm so frustrated. I made the decision to have surgery to improve my health, only to find out that the surgery would be very detrimental to my health due to my allergies. So, I regrouped and made the decision to do this the old fashioned way - controlled diet and exercise and I GAIN weight. My husband, who I know would have taken great care of me after surgery is starting to show signs of being tired of my leaving the house to work out or checking out from the kids so I can plan menus, and doesn't seem to understand the back pain caused by exercise. I feel like because I'm doing this the "normal" way, I'm somehow not able to get what I need in the way of support. It's been a really difficult week.

But, what can I do but just keep going? If I stop now, I'll still be unhealthy and fat, and probably continue to gain weight and put myself at risk of terrifying complications. My kids will be teased for their "fat mom", and I won't be able to play with them or interact in the way I want to. I don't want to stop, but going forward at this point just seems so hopeless.

There is some good news from today. I did get to play outside with my boys after weeks of freezing cold weather. We played walking tag (since running at my size is really dangerous for my knees), and hide and seek and there were lots of giggles and happy little boy faces. That was a lot of fun! Also, I did go back to the gym today (took yesterday off due to the plague), and did a couple of things I hadn't done in a while. Took a four and a half mile stationary bike ride and swam some laps. I forgot how much I like to swim as a form of exercise. It's great...I don't notice the sweat, and because of that, I can work longer in the water than on land. I have no idea how many calories I burn doing it, but, I'm sure it's better than sitting at home watching football.

I guess that'll be my takeaway for now. Even if I don't lose another ounce. Even if the pain continues to be uncomfortable. Quitting isn't the answer, but I think I need to change my expectations. Maybe I can't look ahead to what the outcome of all this work may be. Maybe the point is just that I do what I know to be right. Success would certainly be easier to come by if it was just a matter of tracking what I eat and exercising, I just don't know if I can wrap my head around not expecting anything to come of it. However, all expecting results is doing for me now is disappointing me. I think the answer is changing my focus and leaving the result up to God.

MR

Side Note-Month 1 measurements
279.4 pounds
Neck - 16.75 inches
Upper Arm - 15 inches
Chest - 50.75 inches
Waist - 50.5 inches
Hips - 57.25 inches
Thigh - 27.5 inches
Calf - 19.75 inches