Now that 90's era Meatloaf is running through my head, I have to get this down and out of my brain with the hopes that I'll be able to get some sleep once I'm not still chewing on it.
Yesterday, 12/11/13, I met with my family doc for the first of 6 monthly visits required by my insurance company to discuss weight loss. My family doc happens to be a brilliant guy, SUPER involved in nutrition and healthy living (he's one of the docs for USA Swimming), and I really enjoy getting his take on just about everything. He's very matter of fact, and doesn't put up with any crap out of anyone, and I'm sure he's made me cry at least once, if not more, when we've discussed my weight. He is onboard with me having the surgery, so I expected these visits to be cake.
You know what they say when one assumes, right? Well, that was sort of how yesterday went. Instead of talking about the surgery itself and the changes I need to make, we ended up discussing my husband and kids' buy in to the wacky idea of Mommy cutting out most of her stomach. My husband has told me that he will do anything to see me get healthy and where I want to be, and I appreciate that, however his definition of anything, and mine are vastly different. I hear "anything", and I understand it to mean "anything", whereas he hears "anything", and understands it to mean "anything that will cause me no discomfort or force me to change how I do anything or live my life". This is a huge problem, because in a couple of areas the way he lives his life is diametrically opposite to what I need my life to look like going forward. He is a self-admitted couch potato who prefers to be home to anywhere else on the planet, and he eats whatever he wants, and keeps a lot of junk-type foods within easy reach.
In order to be successful with the VSG, and to ensure the health I'm fighting so desperately for, I am going to have to get active, and I'm going to have to radically alter the foods that I put into my body. There are those who have told me that it's not fair for my husband to give up the things he likes because I'm an addict, but I really do disagree with that standpoint. If I were an alcoholic, would those same people tell me it's okay for him to have six packs and fifths laying around the house? It's the exact same thing, and I think the people who have that attitude don't accept that food can be an addictive substance just like drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. It goes beyond a lack of willpower or self control, though those things certainly play a role, and I don't need my vice staring me in the face while I'm existing on 600 calories a day. Would it really be that difficult for him to eat the junk and crap he likes during the 13 hours he's away from home every day? I wouldn't think so. I work from home, so I am constantly faced with his unhealthy food choices ALL DAY LONG.
There's another piece that's associated with this as well. My five year old is a VERY particular eater, just like his dad. There is not much decent nutrition in his current diet, and that kills me. It's my fault because I've been lazy, and haven't been willing to fight with him over what food he needs to eat. This HAS to change. He has inherited bad cholesterol from his dad, and obesity from me, and he needs to be taking care of his little body. My husband doesn't think that it will be possible for us to change the boy's attitude, and therefore is very resistant to even make the attempt.
Is it too much to ask that my family get healthy with me? Isn't my job as a parent to ensure that my kids know how to take care of their bodies and treat them with respect. For crying out loud, the bible tells us that outright. Our bodies stand to be the temples of the most high God. We need to respect them, and keep them clean and in good order. I feel like I'm walking an uphill road, and it's exhausting.
The good news is, my husband is wonderful, and we are able to talk about these things. He recognizes at this point that these issues need to be resolved during this time before I have the surgery. He is willing to go with me to my nutritionist appointment, and I'm hoping that she'll be able to help me get him and the kids on board with where they need to be. I pray that I can get him to come to my way of thinking, but that might be an impossibility. At the very least, he needs to be on my side, and willing to help me do what it takes to be successful. If that makes me weak, then I guess I'll own that label, but, at least in my weakness I've identified what will make me stronger.
MR
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