What a great day for celebrating the birth of our Savior! It
was very low-key and great today, even if two of us are feeling a bit under the
weather. Little L has the worst of it…poor boy is coughing, coughing, coughing,
and not sleeping very well. He’s happy when he isn’t hacking, so it could
definitely be worse, but I pray he feels better soon. And I’m the other infirm.
More just fighting off what L has, probably, but I felt a little icky most of
the day. My mother in law came over to watch the opening of the presents, and
then she went to celebrate the day with a bunch of her friends with Chinese and
a movie. My men were kind enough to let me sleep this afternoon, and played
with their new gadgets and thingamabobs. Finally at about 3:00, my older son,
A, decided that the newly acquired Chemistry set had waited long enough to be
torn into. We did a few experiments, had our first chemical spill, and are the
proud owners of “jelly crystals” tonight in various colors. I have to say that
Gi-Gi hit it out of the park with that gift, as my budding scientist loves to
see how things work, and to make them do so. I swear, he’s Sheldon from the Big
Bang Theory! If life imitates art, I’d be perfectly fine with a Ph.D in Physics
for him.
The one downer of the day, which seems so insignificant,
given the whole birth of the Savior thing, is that during the holidays, you
can’t avoid cameras and family pictures. God love my husband, but he loves to
take pictures. No matter if I’ve had a shower, or am wearing my ratty pajamas
with my hair half up in a bun, half mangled by having 2 sleepy boys crawl over
it in their hopes of being undiscovered sneaking into my bed. The pictures
today were especially brutal after a late night of present wrapping, and not
feeling great. After seeing them, I can only say…I’m ENORMOUS. I’m even too big
for euphemistic language. I am huge. My belly is bigger than my boobs, I have
no neck, just chins, and I’m well…a blob. Jabba the hut in flannel jammies.
It’s really odd, too, as I’m trying to pay better attention
to my eating. We had a great Saturday night visiting with some friends of ours
who we hadn’t seen in about five and a half years. In that time, there are five
extra children between us, and a whole lot of living. We had a wonderful time
visiting with them and their friends, and food wasn’t even the highlight. I
brought turkey meatballs – totally acceptable in a low-carb state of mind, and
only ate a little bit of the dips and stuff that were brought too. I drank unsweetened
tea, and didn’t even miss the dessert tray. I was really excited to see myself
able to deal with a social situation in a responsible way. But, then, less than
24 hours later, we were visiting with my husband’s aunt, and I tell you, there
wasn’t a cookie, cake, sweet, soda, etc. that I didn’t shove down my throat in
record time. I wasn’t even hungry. It was just there, so I ate it. Not to
mention all of the sweets we inherited from church and other gatherings. I
don’t understand why I eat when I’m not hungry, but the evidence of doing so is
sitting around my midsection.
I truly am blessed that there are people in my life who love
me in spite of my obvious lack of self-control. And it’s because of them I know
I’ll be successful with the surgery. The nice people over at ObesityHelp.com
tell me that everyone that finds themselves in a bariatric surgeon’s office has
had experiences like mine, that food is just overwhelming. The surgery is a
tool which can be used to take away the power the food has. I can’t wait for
the surgery…I hate being out of control, and I hate the guilt, the shame, and
the embarrassment that looking at pictures of myself brings. Now that Christmas
is officially over (it’s 1 AM on the 26th, I’ll be able to get on
track with my program and see if I can’t get a little bit of good work done
between now and surgery. I have some leads on some protein products I’d like to
try, and have signed up for a service that will deliver low-carb dinner recipes
to me once a week. I figure if I can just work something out for snacks and
lunches, I’ll be in good shape. I’m sure there’s some kind of frozen meal that
will work for the South Beach Diet (if not exactly one for that program). I
hope that future writings will be more positive as I start finding some
success, and can be proud of losses.
I wish I didn’t get so down on myself. I wish that I didn’t
have this issue. I wish I understood exactly how I got to this point, and why
it manifests itself in me this way. Too bad I didn’t get a genie in a bottle
for Christmas….at the moment, that feels like the only way those wishes would
be answered.
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