That's it???????

Today was my long anticipated first surgeon's consult, and to say it was anticlimactic would be a huge understatement. No new information, and more questions about the process have come up. I have my first appointment with his nutritionist on the 19th and it's an hour long, so we'll see what happens with her. Since I'm already seeing a therapist, I'm hoping she might be able to do the psych evaluation, and then it should just be the 6 appointments with my primary care doctor. I'm not sure why, but I'm a bit let down with the process so far. It all seems like no big deal to them, and I guess it isn't...but, a little reassurance might have been nice.

I talked to my mother in law tonight and she tells me this lack of warm fuzziness is absolutely normal. She had the full gastric bypass done in 2006 by the same doctor. On the day of her surgery, she weighed 343 pounds and had a blood sugar of 342. Since then, she's lost over 200 pounds, and is no longer considered diabetic. I am so proud of her, and the improvement in her life is inspiring to me. She was older when she had it done, and has said that she wishes she had done it sooner, so I am taking that word from her and doing it now, while I'm still young enough to enjoy the rest of my life, and before bad things start happening to me.

Today I've been thinking about what life will be like on the other side of this HUGE surgery. Best guess based on what I've found online, I'll be somewhere around a size 10 when I get to my goal of 140 pounds. That's insane!! I wore a size 10 in 5th grade. WHEN I WAS ELEVEN years old. And hadn't reached my full height. I'll be able to play with my sons, and take them to the pool without worrying about what I look like in a bathing suit. My little one, who will be about 4 when this is all done will only remember fat mommy when he looks at pictures. My older son, who loves me SO, so much now, will be 7 when I'm done, and will actually be able to sit on my lap. I'm doing this as much for them as I am for myself. They deserve a mom who can be fully there...who can wrestle with them on the floor and can pick herself up when she's done.

So, I guess that's the takeaway from today. I don't need the surgeon to get me excited, or to repeat what I already know. I'm going to have this surgery. I'm going to do everything they tell me to do. I will work through the ancient issues that have kept me prisoner all these years. And I will do this. This will work, and truthfully, the only thing I need from my surgeon is a steady hand, and 85% less stomach on that fateful day in June.

MR