I hate it when this happens

I need to keep telling myself that at least I didn't gain weight this week. At least the scale didn't go up. At least I am still at -15.2 pounds since getting back on track.

I do keep telling myself those things, but it doesn't help. The scale showed me exactly the same as last week yesterday. No more killer weight loss in the whole pounds. Nothing. Bupkus. Nada. Nein. A big fat round goose egg. I was in the gym everyday. I tracked what I ate. Not sure what went wrong.

Well, that's not entirely true. I did eat fewer plants, and I did eat a few things that I am allergic to, so it could be inflammation. I need to check with my doctor on Tuesday and get his perspective on this. I was feeling so bad about all of this today that I actually ate 94 points worth of food. That's a lot. I've used up all of my weekly points, and swapped out all but one of my activity points so far for the week. The good news is that I'll earn more activity as I hit the gym every morning, and be a little more careful about what I put into my body.

My head is also not in the greatest place at the moment. Because this is a public blog, and anyone can read it, I have to be vague about why. I need to get back in with my therapist to see if I can turn my head and feelings about weight loss into a positive source of motivation instead of a negative. For the past four weeks I've been driven by a lot of really damaging thoughts, and I knew that would probably come back to bite me someday, and it looks like now is the time. It's hard to be motivated by negativity when the results aren't there.

I really need God to help me through this. To carry me through this week to Saturday and my next weigh-in, and every day in between. I need to be mindful of His presence and strength every time I make a choice regarding food or exercise, or water, or anything. I know He wants to help me and is just waiting for me to turn back to Him with an open heart. Stupid sin and stubbornness makes that so hard. Being human sucks.

Pray for me. I need it.
MR